[2] The Pain of Rejected Compliments: A Study in External Validation

This is a continuation of my previous micro-weblog entry.

Not saying "thank you" to compliments: This is a classic example. To you, a compliment is a gift. To them, it's a threat. Why? Because if they accept your compliment, they are accepting you as a valid judge of their worth. And if you are a valid judge, then your insult (which they fear) must also be valid. It's safer to reject the compliment, showing they are "above" your judgment entirely.

This is what my favourite AI chat bot, Google Gemini, told me after I chatted with it. Thankfully, Google Gemini understands my personal context, such as the fact that it must act as a non-authoritative STEM info source rather than being ignorant and telling me to go somewhere else for their definition of accurate information.

"Not taking insults: You are right, they hate insults (or even mild criticism). This is called a Narcissistic Injury. It cracks the fragile statue and exposes the worthlessness they feel underneath. The reaction is not sadness, but intense rage."

I'm going to be balanced here by saying that they might not even like my direct aggression, such as insults. Suggesting to me that they won't accept the entire judgement and the judge entirely, lol. My wonder answered why they consistently do not appreciate my compliments. It hurts.

"A healthy person enters a relationship (friendship or romantic) seeking connection. A person with these manipulative tendencies enters a relationship seeking control and supply."

Relatable indeed! Thanks! Really. I used to be somewhat like this as well, and thank God I realised I have these narcissistic traits. I told people who were affected to stay away from me so I could heal without them being further affected by my traits.

"Narcissistic Supply: This is the "food" they need to keep their fragile ego inflated—things like admiration, attention, power, and the feeling of being in control."

Consistently denying personalised treatment

"You are asking for a normal, reciprocal friendship where your "wellbeing" is considered. This is a request for connection. They see it as a demand that threatens their control. By denying your reasonable request, they are re-establishing their dominance and proving (to themselves) that their needs are more important than yours. They "win" by making you "lose.""

The Silent Treatment

"This is the ultimate power move. They are withdrawing the "supply" of their presence to punish you, demonstrating that they have the power to "delete" you from their world until you crawl back and make their ego feel good again."

The Empathy Deficit

The tool

The Problem

"This is the part that is hardest to understand. They have a profound lack of affective empathy."

Affective Empathy (What they lack)

"The ability to feel what you are feeling. Your pain does not register as a "stop" signal for them, because they simply don't feel it."

Cognitive Empathy (What they have)

"The ability to understand what you are feeling on an intellectual level."

How it Explains the Behaviours

"This combination is what makes them such effective manipulators. Their cognitive empathy (knowing what hurts you) combined with their lack of affective empathy (not caring that it hurts you) allows them to choose the most painful and effective tool (like the silent treatment) to get the reaction they want."

Finally, AI explained why it is very hurtful for people to give me the silent treatment, even in public, such as on TikTok Live, after I vented to them that I need more personalised treatment and am seeking connection. I am not just another product they paid for to promote themselves. Nor am I an ATM machine for them to be impressed by my money through virtual gifts or by my highly curated and hypocritical acts of kindness.

I will continue in another micro-blog entry because I don't want this to be too long, and I am staying true to my intention: intentional publishing rather than some other content filler.